I let the enemy take my hope for ransom when I dreamt of a father who would get well. A father whose hands would raise to embrace my brokenness, not to create the brokenness.
Hope died with him, a love never to be known, a what if or if only, no more. He lay in the grave and where my childlike body had longed to be, he embraced my hope and took it with him into eternity.
I tried to find it again when at such a young age, I was haunted with dreams of a place to let my love flow free; children that were mine and danced about with abandon and security.
Dashed to pieces once more, my hope came to die when his vow of “forevermore” was hidden from the ears of his lovers, and we would then be nevermore.
Through the battlefields, shrapnel torn hope lay to waste about me as I clawed towards home. I made a cemetery of my hopes, fixed on the tasks of today, I traversed the mundane while hope bled out of my soul.
Yet delight came to my days, though no horizon I did see.
Hope returned to haunt me. She begrudged me my laughter, my contentedness. Hope, the temptress whispered “just maybe it could be”. Oh you wanton seductress, you know me so well. My dreams of light and goodness, you once more came to quell.
The clock on the walls of my heart tell me that my time is done. The door that I thought would bring me to you was a mirage, and with its pursuit I lost the embrace of you.
I lent you to the enemy, his unworthy hands stripped me of tiny fingers that I had imagined so well. The breath of new life, I breathed in from my bosom, coos I heard and eyes that I knew.
The monster crushed this baby of a dream, shattered limb from limb before me; hope to the furnace once more.
Oh damned hope, why must you torment me so!
I will give you away and sow no more. Your burden is heavy, come to me no more.
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